Grieving is a real thing! DAY 10
Jul 18, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CnWdwbJMkk

[Music]
so same type of breakfast that I have
fairly almost every morning it is such a
good breakfast it's filling and I only
have to have 123 calories for all of
that so why not have a great breakfast
for low calories
hey you guys so we decided to take off
and go to Dollar Tree I need to pick up
that poster board so that I can go ahead
and make my weight chart and then I want
to get some stuff to be able to
personalize it and make it just like for
me so anyways that's what we're going to
run into other than that it's 94 degrees
right now it is too hot to be out here
so I'm just probably gonna run there and
then come back
it's it's been a low-key day I woke up
with a really really bad headache I
don't know what is going on and I don't
know again it could just be the heat
sorry I'm shaking so much I don't have
my tripod in but yeah I will go with a
really nasty headache this morning so I
just been kind of playing around and
relaxing and getting up and doing my
walking and just taking it easy today so
anyways I just want to let you guys know
where we're heading
turkey flat bread bagel with some cheese
a great lunch and again it's really
filling these are one of my favorites
go-to snacks they're just rice crackers
they are really good and honestly I only
have to have a few to really make me
feel like I've had quite a few and
they're really tasty and really good I
get him from Costco and I was in a
really snacky mood today so this is
cucumber pepper Rica and a little bit of
salt in such a great snack for dinner I
went ahead and had a chicken wrap so
it's just my flatbread roll roll up
bread the chicken some lettuce tomato
and a little bit of ranch wow what a
great dinner it was
good evening and yes I'm on day ten um
so today is a little different I think
you guys are gonna notice something
different today
um I am missing my intro my good morning
how's everybody doing intro um this
morning when I woke up I'm not really
sure what triggered it but I woke up
with a massive migraine I mean one that
it was really hard to see through like
my eyes they were really blurry um I
just wasn't feeling good and you know
sometimes change in the body can create
that to happen and I suffer with silent
migraines and so sometimes I don't even
know I'm having one but my body will be
reacting as if it's had a stroke and
when that happens that's usually when we
know that I am having an asylum migraine
but the last probably year those silent
migraines have actually turned to
migraines I can fill which are no fun so
um today just happened to be one of
those days that I just woke up just so
sick and so there was just no way of
even holding up my phone and being able
to even really talk because the lights
were killing my eyes well that was nice
the lights were killing my eyes it just
oh it was bad um so I took some of my
medicine and I laid down and went to
sleep my husband just went and put all
the blankets weren't like it's the
curtains down in my bedroom I made
everything really really dark and we
turn the air conditioned on and had the
fan on me and I slept for about three
hours and he also put like a cold wash
on me at my head and by the time I woke
up I was feeling
times better the headache had subsided
and when I have a migraine though
usually the even if it does go away
usually the rest of that whole day I
just feel really sluggish and just
really tired and just like I have them
just no energy like it just wipes
everything out so that's kind of what
tonight did I keep yawning it's kind of
what I've been doing today is I just
ever since I woke up from my nap I don't
feel tired but I just feel very the just
like everything just seems like too much
that does not take away the fact that I
still got up even though I was not up to
100%
I still got up and I still did my
walking and I'm really proud of myself
for doing it because normally I would
just be like ain't gonna happen today
and stuff myself into my pillow while
I'm eating my chips or something but
today that just didn't happen so I did
continue to still walk and that still
made me feel better that I was pushing
myself even though I wasn't feeling good
to still continue doing what I need to
do even you know sometimes we can get to
those days that we just we just don't
feel like doing it we just don't feel
like having that day but we have to
remind ourselves that we're still on
this journey and we still have a reward
at the end and yes we don't feel good
today but it's still gonna get us to
where we need to be by the end of our
journey of reaching our accomplishments
and our goals so I said that's why I
still got up and I still did what I
needed to do and then we ran to Dollar
Tree and we did get our put my poster
boards so I didn't get a chance to
because of how today was I didn't get a
chance to work on it so I'm gonna do
that tomorrow and I'll have that ready
to show you guys I'm so excited to do my
weight chart
so that's kind of what really we did
today we really didn't do much i sat in
the car while Ollie went into Costco to
grab I went ahead and I had him I don't
know where they're at
I thought he brought him in here there's
snapples and so it's tea in there 1010
calories per bottle and so it had lemon
peach and mango teas and I'm really
gonna kick with tea right now because I
have not touched soda since I started my
journey and so I am NOT that's just like
completely out of my reach like I just
don't even think about it but I drink a
lot of tea and so he went ahead and
picked that up for me to try that and
see if it's something that I liked so we
got that and then he got me another
thing of beef jerky stick since my
three-year-old thinks that they're like
Mills and he'll sit and eat like two and
three of them sometimes at a time and
I'm like stop and I need my beef jerky
for my B's but momma bear still shares
sometimes no so we just ran and got some
more because I like to keep that stocked
up because those are really easy for me
to throw in a baggie and just throw in
my purse so if we're leaving and I know
it might be getting around a time that I
could become a little hungry I can just
reach in and eat that then having him
stop and get an actual meal for me and
then another thing too that I think was
kind of causing a little bit of just a
drift in my day is I have mentioned in
one of my videos earlier I don't
remember which one maybe it was might
get to me get to know me video I think
um but I had mentioned that I lost a
baby in 2010 and it was a little boy and
his name was Malik and sometimes that
grief can just kind of
catch up on you on when you're at least
expecting it like you're just not you're
not you're not prepared for it and
something might just happen that might
just ignite that grief to kind of enter
back a little bit and give you that
feeling that you you know that feeling
of laws and you know I've always had
that feeling I always will have the
feeling of loss you know I have an empty
empty nest hole where he was at and yes
I have three beautiful babies in my nest
but I was supposed to have four if he
would have lived and sometimes that can
just kind of catch up on me and so I
thought maybe tonight would be a good
night to kind of talk about grief
because I think it's something a lot of
people suffer with and they don't
understand her know that it's okay to be
grieving over certain things and that
not all grieving has to be over the loss
of uh of a person it could be a grief
over the loss of many things and so I
thought maybe tonight would be a good
night to kind of cover that conversation
because it's something that I'm dealing
with today and I'm sure that there'll be
more days that I deal with it but when I
deal with it sometimes talking about it
makes it feel that it just makes me feel
better and so um I think I'm gonna show
you guys my story of him and kind of
fill you in where I'm at today I think
that that would be special and I've
gained so many friends that I feel
comfortable enough to share this you
know story because it's a very touchy
story and it's so it's so special to me
and so I just want to open up to you
guys and share my story so that way I
can tell others about it that maybe
you're suffering from the same type of
loss or a different type of loss but
still grieving over something so here's
my story
2009 I went back to Egypt to marry my
husband which most know and during that
time I got pregnant with my little boy
at the time I didn't know I was pregnant
though I came home and you know life was
kind of getting back to routine and
schedules were kind of getting back to
normal
never in a million years did I think
that I would become pregnant like it
just never even crossed my mind
and for some reason I really don't even
know why but for some reason something
told me to take a pregnancy test and so
I thought okay and I went and I got a
pregnancy test and I came back and I
took it and I remember I was getting
ready to take a shower so I took the
pregnancy test and then I put the
pregnancy test on top of the shower and
I just took my shower I didn't even
think two times about it and so after I
was finished with my shower I get out
and I just happened to look at you know
grab the test and look and it's positive
and I was like oh my gosh like oh my
gosh I've never seen a positive test
before like whoa what do I do
what do I say where do I go who do I
tell and it was such an amazing feeling
like I just felt on top of the world I
wanted to scream to the top of my world
I'm pregnant because it's something I
have always desired to have is a
pregnancy and I finally was getting my
my dream and so I you know I shared the
news with ollie and he was so happy he
was so excited he was sad though because
of course you know he was in Egypt and I
was here and we were thousands and
trillions and millions of miles away
from each other and we were gonna have
to go through this pregnancy separate
but included each other and the best
that we can until he got his visa to fly
here and be able to be with me
so I started making my doctor's
appointments and doing what I needed to
do and the day I went in to find out if
I was pregnant through the doctor's
office so I already had a positive at
home but how they make you go and do one
at the doctor's I went in and it was a
little bit it was snowing just a little
bit it wasn't bad and so when I came out
of the doctor's office I slipped and
fell
now nothing happened I mean nothing
happened to me or the baby I mean I I
think more my pride and just being so
scared because I just found out I was
pregnant and boom I fell and so that was
where I think my my stress kind of
popped in I was like oh my gosh you know
I'm pregnant my baby's like the size of
you know a little what do they call
those puppy seeds I'm like it's a small
as a puppy seed but it's my job to
protect this little puppy scene so of
course I just started you know bawling
and freaking out because oh my god I
fell and I'm pregnant
yeah hormones so anyway so I you know I
get home and I'm going along with the my
pregnancy and going to the doctor's
doing what I supposed to do and life was
just happening you know I it seemed like
I was almost in like a tornado and I
guess the way that I can explain that is
because I was getting the paperwork
ready and while I'd already shipped off
the paperwork to start the process to
get my husband here I was dealing with
my oldest son at the time he was two so
I had a little two-year-old I was you
know mom Ian and he came down sick that
month well was that oh so was 2010 he
got really really sick in April and he
ended up being he ended up getting
rushed up to the hospital in Portland
Oregon and he was there for a week and
during that time I was stuck up at the
hospital and of course I was not gonna
leave his side and there was just no way
but during that time I kept talking to
the nurse that was coming in to help him
and I was like gosh you know I just
don't know I'm just not feeling good and
you know I'm having a lot of like uneasy
feelings down you know in like my pubic
area and I just I don't know I'm just
yeah and she's like you know what
probably be a good idea if you go down
to the ER and just have them check you
you're already here you might as well do
it and then I'm thinking okay but what
if something's wrong and they have to
keep me and so I'm gonna be in one room
and my baby's gonna be in another room
and I just can't do that like I just
can't so I continued just to deal with
it like I I mean I there wasn't much I
could do but it was really hard being
stuck up there for a week I mean I had
no money so you know the hospital was
trying to help as much as possible but
they couldn't like give me food for free
so it was just oh my god it was just a
mess so a lot of stress during that time
anxiety emotions were just everywhere
and of course all I wanted was my best
friend my husband to be here to support
me emotionally but he couldn't his hands
were tired I mean he called me as much
as possible but when you're feeling so
alone it's the worst feeling to be and
then to be on top of it pregnant and
with a two-year-old it's even harder
like it was just really hard so my son
got out of the hospital and just it just
didn't seem like life was picking up
like it just seemed like I was in a
hamster wheel just going and going like
day after day but I didn't feel like I
was going anywhere and the pregnancy was
just going on it was doing its thing but
again just dig it wasn't the experience
that I thought I was gonna have being
pregnant because there was so much chaos
going on and now during this time pretty
much my entire
at this point had disowned me they
pushed me to the curb because I married
a man from Egypt that was Muslim and
they didn't agree
I was not Muslim at that time and but
they didn't agree with my decisions so
because of that I lost all my family so
literally I was going through all of
this pretty much alone I had very few
people that were standing by my side
very strong and were their support but
they have lives of their own and
families of their own they couldn't just
tend to me and my needs and my child's
needs and so anyways one night I came
home from work and I was laying on the
couch and I was just not feeling good I
almost felt like I was coming out with
the flu so I called my friend and I was
like hey do you think I could take
pepto-bismol while being pregnant and
she's like I don't think so she's like
what do you think is going on I'm like I
just feel like I'm coming down with the
flu you know I'm cramping really bad and
I just I am not feeling good and she's
like Amy at all and I said I was
shivering and she's like Amy that sounds
almost like you're in labor
and I'm like oh no I was like I've got
two weeks and I'm gonna be finding out
what the baby is how could I already be
in labor there's just no way she's like
why don't I pick you up and take you to
the hospital we'll just have you get it
checked I mean the worst that can happen
is they say you're not and you go home I
mean really I'm like okay so she comes
to picks me up we go to the hospital I
get in there they take me back for a
altra sound and then when they so they
did the ultrasound they didn't talk to
me the whole time but they get me back
in my room and I'm standing up cuz I'm
in like in so much pain in my back it
was the worst pain I have ever
experienced and I couldn't get
comfortable there was just nothing and
the only thing that was like easy my
pain was sitting on a toilet of all
things so I kept going back and forth
back and forth back and forth from my
room to the bathroom from my room to the
bathroom it was almost like I almost was
going like a little mint
I'm not mental but kind of checking out
and I'm standing in my in the hospital
room and the doctor comes in and he's
like well pretty much your amniotic
fluid is very low and the baby's heart
rate is deceased deceit descending and
he's not gonna make it or it's not gonna
make it we didn't know as a boy and
instead of saying it so cautiously he
just dropped the bomb like that and I
just fell to my knees I that swept
everything out of my life like I was
just like what am i doing
what am i doing like god please don't
take my baby like that was like the only
thing that I could keep screaming was
please don't take my baby like oh my god
it was the worst feeling ever and you
feel so hopeless because there's nothing
you can do to bring that baby back
nothing so the nurse says well you know
I'm just gonna go ahead and we're gonna
send her home you know there's nothing
we could do here we're just gonna send
her home unless she starts bleeding here
we're just there's nothing we could do
here my friends like what you guys do
realize you know she's almost 19 weeks
pregnant
and they're like well there's nothing we
could do here so she could just you know
pretty much passed the baby at home so I
we're loading up and stuff and of course
I'm still flipping out I'm still mental
as ever and I'm screaming I gotta go to
the bathroom I gotta go to the bathroom
so my friend runs me to the bathroom and
all of a sudden there was just blood all
over the toilet and she comes out of the
the bathroom and she's like hey she's
bleeding so they're like oh my gosh so
they go in there and of course you know
they're like yeah we're gonna have to
keep her
so I pretty much from that point until I
had the baby I don't remember nothing
I pretty much I guess um froze that out
I blocked it out
I guess my friend said that I was
screaming for them to save my baby
I was screaming for God to take me in to
give my baby his life and I don't
remember any of that so 6 o'clock a.m.
on March 24th
I was laying in the hospital bed and I
kind of got this weird cramp in my
stomach and I felt the urge to push so I
pushed and I pushed him out I laid there
hoping that this was all a dream I was
hoping that I would hear him cry there
was my feet my friend ran over and
scooped him up because you know he was
little and I was so weak I couldn't even
hold my leg and she says oh my god he's
so beautiful and at that moment I knew
that he was born and she says do you
want to hold him and I said yeah I want
to hold him so I held him and I loved on
him and I kissed him and I talked to him
and he was just like a baby he looked
just like a normal baby there was
nothing wrong with him he had everything
he was supposed to have why why why did
why was he taken was the only question I
could have go come out of my mouth why
so why how did my six o'clock in the
morning and I held him until about 11:00
and I'll never forget that the doctor
came in and he says well you're not you
know you're not passing your placenta
and so we're gonna have to take you back
to surgery because we got to get that
out because we don't know what's going
on so they took me back to surgery well
okay so before they took me back
I loved all my baby boy for as long as I
could and I gave my baby to my friend as
my last farewell and I told her please
don't have him back into them when I
come back I had to make that closure I
had to
so they willed me off to surgery and
they call the the funeral home that was
gonna pick him up and they did all of
that I had nothing to do with that part
like I just you know I was gone at this
point there was just no I was not gonna
be able to be involved with that
I get back into the room and I'm like
halfway waking up from recovery and I'll
never forget that the chaplain was
standing at the end of my hospital bed
and he had coffins laying across the
edge of my bed and he says well we need
to talk about this Amy we need to to
find what coffin you want to bury your
baby in I look to him like you've got to
be kidding me I just lost my baby like
why would you bring coffins into my room
what is so angry and I just screamed get
out of my room I mean I just was so mad
I was mad at everybody at everybody
everything there was nobody that I was
not mad
at this point and I spent the remainder
of the day in the hospital they had to
keep me for observation because of my
bleeding and just trying to figure out
things come to find out the reason that
I lost my baby was due to an infection
that I had that ended up affecting my
placenta and in the end it ended up
causing him to pass I went through a lot
of guilt
for a very long time it was my fault I'm
the one with the infection I should have
known better I should have went through
doctors offices I should have taken care
of this if I would have been on medicine
none of this would have happened and he
would be here I mean those are all the
thoughts that would go through my mind
so then you know that whole self
judgment just totally rampaged me for
months I had a really hard time being a
mom to my two-year-old that needed me I
couldn't I
I couldn't face work because work was
children I couldn't face that I had him
a daycare mom that was the same amount
of pregnant as me she had the same due
date as me and I couldn't stand to look
at her it wasn't her fault but I
couldn't it was too painful and taking a
shower and just doing the daily hygiene
to take care of myself I couldn't do it
it was just too much it was too much to
get out of bed it was too much to pick
up my fault I was just life was too much
I just wanted to die I didn't want to
live anymore there was nothing to live
for at that point is how I felt nothing
mattered even though I had a
two-year-old my mind was so shot then
nothing I couldn't focus on nothing but
my grave so a few minutes a few months
went by my due date was actually August
26 which sadly is my birthday so that's
even a really hard day for me now is
because when I think of August 26 that
was my due date for my baby boy and I
had him on March 24th and so that day
that should be special for
my baby I don't get to celebrate that
with him but a few months went by and
life was just still really tough and
some some of my family members kind of
came around a little bit and a few of
the comments that were made to me were
just I can't believe that they would
even say it one person says well at
least it was you know at least you just
were able to pass him through it wasn't
a baby at least you didn't lose a baby
okay that's how you felt I didn't say
anything I just yeah another person says
well it's probably for the best because
you're really big and you probably
shouldn't be carrying a baby right now
so now I'm unworthy to be a mom because
I'm fat okay
didn't say anything another person says
well probably was for the best
because his father is an Arab and he's a
Muslim all right
and the worst one came from somebody so
close to me that said well he would have
just been a Sam nigger like his father I
tucked all those words into me
tucked him in scooped him in held on to
him I didn't feel like I had the right
to fight back I didn't feel like I had
the right to say hey he was a baby he
was my son he was worthy to be alive and
be here
I was afraid to hurt people's feelings
so I kept it to myself
I didn't say a word
[Music]
during that time though the one thing
that was there for me was Wyatt my food
I found comfort in it it didn't hurt me
it didn't didn't judge me for being
pregnant with an Arab baby it didn't
judge me for being pregnant because I
was fat it didn't judge me because I
gave birth to a baby that wasn't alive
so he hasn't considered a baby because
he was born dead for people that I
thought would have my back and support
me the most were the worst in the worst
support ever that I could have ever
received I went through months of self
breathing I went through so many months
of processing everything that was going
through my mind I went through a hateful
stage where I just went through hate I
hated everybody and everything I hated
it I didn't want to talk to anybody I
didn't want nobody to talk to me
I couldn't stand going to stores and
seeing people happy because how dare you
be happy when I am suffering those are
all normal feelings I didn't know that
at the time I didn't know that's what
grief was about I personally didn't even
know that grief was I mean I know what
great I know that there's a word grief
but I didn't know that grief was a real
thing
until I experienced it myself
and then I really knew what grieving was
the worst type of grieving is when you
feel so alone you have nobody and you
fight that battle all alone that can get
you into the darkest hole ever and
sometimes people don't come out of it
and that's so sad because some of those
people don't feel like they have anybody
to reach out for I had no hands reaching
out to me to grab and to pull me up I
felt like I was trying to climb a wall
but every time I would get somewhere to
it my foot would slip and I'd fall back
down and I did that for a long time and
that was me falling back into my
grieving into my depression into my
self-loathing of just not feeling worthy
and not feeling loved I didn't love
myself I hated myself because it was my
fault in my mind it was my fault my baby
died but one day I finally came to a
point where I was like you know what I
have to deal with this I have to reach
out to somebody to help me I I have to I
don't want to live this way I don't like
being so mean and so vicious I don't
like that that's not that's not my
personality so I reached out to a very
good friend of mine and she too had went
through a loss herself and because of
her she had the hand that I needed to
grab to pull me up and start being able
to see clearly again and one step a day
is all I could take
I couldn't take anymore than that one
step a day into the new beginning of
healing was all I could deal with and
that's what I did and she stood by my
side the entire time
there were nights that I would call her
at 1 2 3 o'clock in the morning and just
be bawling she'd be right there for me
she never gave up never did she ever
give up and
it took me about four years to really
get to a point in my life where I could
really think about him and just not bust
out in tears one of the things that I
did was I got a picture box but it
wasn't it's a picture box but it's
almost one that can hold like flowers in
it and inside it I decorated all for
mallik I put all of his Hospital little
bands and my hospital bands my pregnancy
tests that I got that was a positive
pregnancy test a little stuffed animal
that I had bought to recognize for him
it was just a little one because his
little hands were so small
I got his footprint so I put that in the
box and I have his little blankie that
you know they wrapped up him in and I
decorated the entire box for just Malik
that was his box and that was really my
true sense of healing was when I did
that box because then I felt like I was
being able to show attention to him in a
positive way I was able to give his
stuff a place to be so that he could be
a part of my life on my daily life
because as I passed his little box I
could think about him and it made me
feel better because I no longer had to
feel like I was hiding him because I was
ashamed that I just miscarried him
according to everybody and that he
wasn't at just anybody he was my baby
and I gave birth to him I was in labor
for 14 hours pure back labor
I got no pain medicine for him because
they did not know how to deal with
someone that was missing a losing a baby
at that stage at that hospital they had
not really dealt with that so they
really didn't know what they were doing
they were pretty much just winging it my
friend on the other
that had taken me she was the one that
was encouraging them well can we you
know can we get a memory box you guys
have a memory box for families that come
in that do have you know stillbirths
yeah we do so they ran and got that and
then my friend was like you know because
at that time the camera phones weren't
really like real good but she said do
you guys have a camera that we can use
and take some pictures of him and yeah
we do so they ran and got that and I've
got tons of pictures on CDs of him and
it's just amazing how much grief can
affect your body in so many ways
mentally emotionally physically so many
things can happen when you're grieving
and sometimes you don't even know you're
grieving until some of those things have
just hit rock bottom and one of the
things that you know I was doing some
research when I was going through my
grief because like I was saying to me I
didn't realize grief was such a real
thing until I started going through it
myself then I realized oh my gosh grief
is real so I started doing some research
on grieving and there's so many things
that in in title grieving some of them
are divorcing and losing a relationship
people grieve during that time and they
need people to support them just because
somebody's going through a divorce
doesn't mean it's something easy it
could be the worst thing in their life
or a relationship my god those are so
hard to go through because again you go
through so many emotions of being alone
you know some people they um they self
abuse themselves because they blame
themselves for their relationship to end
so then they've got that going on and so
many different things that they can turn
to being alone because they feel like
they're fighting this all along as it
might been their fault that they feel so
they're not worthy to reach out for help
um the loss of health someone could be a
hundred percent perfect and health
the next day suffer a major heart attack
and have to be cared for by people
people then go through grieving during
that time because they're so used to
being on their own and doing their own
thing and they don't want people to
attend to them and it's a sense of loss
because they're losing the ability to do
the things that they normally can do
retirement someone who've been working
for 60 something years and hit
retirement and then feel like they have
like they've lost their title and I've
seen people grieve for that and during
that time is when they need the most
support and sometimes people don't
understand that because they don't think
it's a big deal they think oh they're
retiring you're lucky you get to stay at
home and sleep all day and eat potato
chips and you know relax by the pool
while we're all you know sweating and
hustling and doing we got to do Monday
through Friday you know you're lucky
some of those people don't feel lucky in
fact some of them go back to work
because maybe the grieving just couldn't
they couldn't get over it it happens
loss of a friendship that is a big one
kind of ties into divorce and
relationship and that way but a
friendship I had an amazing friend a few
years ago we were so close we talked
every single day there was not a day
that went by that I did not talk to her
and the night that I gave birth to my
baby my old my omar's my third my third
three-year-old um she contacted me after
I had him and told me that her husband
gave her an ultimatum she's either
allowed to continue to be my friend or
she has to get a divorce and I made that
choice for I said
you choose your husband don't choose me
and I've never spoke to her again but
the sense of loss that I went through
during that time was so hard it was
another grieving that I had to get over
and I'm not gonna lie sometimes it still
catches me sometimes because it hurts so
bad it was so painful to lose her but
that's another sense of grieve and again
I don't think sometimes people think
that it's a real grief but it really is
when you lose somebody like that and
you're so used to having them in your
life on a daily or that they are so
involved in your life you can grieve it
and it's real and it is serious and I
want to come to a close here because I
know I'm getting kind of long but I just
want to tell you guys for anybody that
is suffering grief right now if you need
somebody to talk to to listen to give
advice to comfort to support to
encourage reach out
I'm here all my information is linked in
my description if you have somebody
close to you H out let them know you're
hurting that you need that support from
them right now the last thing I want to
see is somebody falls so deep that they
don't feel like they can come back and
that's when it could get really scary
and I don't want to see that I hope
tonight you guys this conversation was a
heavy one and I know but it's definitely
something I suffer from a night like I
said as things come up that I deal with
I want to talk to you guys because again
you guys are my support
you guys are my encouragement you guys
are my true friends that I know will be
there to support me as I need it but
also sharing my story I want others to
know that if they're in grieving right
now please reach out because there's
many of us out there that will reach
right back we'll give you that hand that
needs to help climb out of that hole
just like someone was there for me I
want to be there for somebody I hope you
guys take care have a wonderful rest of
your evening and I'll see you guys again
tomorrow
[Music]
